Bittersweet

Forever and always

that's what I used to think

'til you blew up my world

and I began to sink.

Barely breathing, head below water

pain like I'd never felt

I put everything into you 

and got back a dime store ring

Time for others, never for me.

Always running, people to please

One more hit is all it will take

to twist me around, watch me break.

I still think of you, of times gone by

but I no longer struggle with why.

The truth is I learned to soar,

kicked from the nest, pushed out the door.

The shifting sand has stopped moving,

solid rock beneath my feet,

eyes to heaven, heart at peace,

your memory bittersweet.

-PG

Moving On

Gone are the feelings

lost are the reasons

why I ever cared

why I ever felt despair.

Moving on, moving on.

Never felt so good,

I hear a joyful noise

down in my soul.

My poor heart hurts no more

I feel the sun breaking through

Moving on, moving on

never felt so good

never felt so good 

-PG

Strong

You wouldn't recognize me now

the woman you knew is gone

no longer waiting, afraid of the dark.

Your leaving parted the clouds,

the sun for so long hidden now shines

warming my heart, lighting my path.

At first I was afraid of what people would think,

doing things by myself,

no one to talk to, no one to share with.

But I was so wrong!

The whole world opened up,

faces, places, memories made and stored.

No one to ask, no one to wait on.

I go where my feet take me,

rest my soul where my heart says to stop.

The top of a mountain to the lapping shore

people, places and just me.

It's selfish you might say

but that means you have never been alone, 

because you would know

this isn't selfish, it's selflessly loving myself

to allow myself to experience

all I can, make lasting friendships

and memories to comfort me

as time grows short.

-PG

Standing on my own

​I'm going to reinvent myself

I think it's about time

the last blow took my breath away

and it just about killed me.

It's time to change, time to change,

it's time to change me.

I've been doing it all wrong

giving away my power

thinking others are more deserving

of all that I am

Instead of cherishing and protecting

my fragile, hard won heart

I tossed it around like candy at a parade

scooped up by those not knowing 

what a treasure they held.

But I'm standing on my own

firmly on the rocks

no more shifting sand for me.

I'm growing stronger

learning to sway and bend,

seedling to oak

roots digging deep.

Firm foundation, I'm changing.

It's hard but my smile says it all.

-PG

Humpty Dumpty

Since I fell off the wall

and shattered into a million pieces

I've wanted to hate you.

But after the shock wore off

and the pain became bearable

I thought I should thank you.

I'm no Humpty Dumpty baby

Oh, no not me

I picked up my pieces

and put them back together better than new.

When I thought nothing could ever

heal my broken world

I found strength to push through the pain.

Began to dream of happier days

leave the darkness behind.

It's been a while since I fell off the wall, 

I can still feel the scars if I run my fingers

over my heart

but scars tell my story, and you were mine.

-PG


Falling From Grace

Oh Lord can't stop the feeling

this isn't going to end well

Bartender just poured me a shot

of tall and handsome at the end of the bar.

He's looking my way, all dark and dreamy,

ready to play.

If I were stronger I'd get right up and leave

but the devil knows my heart.

He's going to be the death of me

want to get drunk on his lips.

Lord knows I want to be a good girl

but temptation makes me shine.

I take another sip and feel the burn

as his hand takes mine.

Room's starting to spin as I drink you in

lost in your touch, falling from grace.

Falling for you, if just for the moment

lost in your fire you consume me.

Take me away from where I've been

pain without end I can't breath.

Hold me again I'll give you my life

The passion in your eyes I'm lost

But you're not really here

my mind playing cruel tricks.

There's nothing I can do, I still love you.

Oh, I still love you.

There's no pill that will make you disappear

from my mind

there's no drink strong enough to burn

your touch from my body.

The devil knows my heart so for now I dream.

-PG

Turning Point

I wanted to hate you 

for the broken heart you gave me

but I really have to thank you

for the pain.

If you hadn't broken my heart

I wouldn't be where I am

I would still be riding on your magic carpet no direction in sight.

You steered, I followed

lost in the glow of you.

I wanted to ride along forever

but my broken heart reminds me

every fairy tale comes to an end.

I wanted to drown in a pity pool of tears

but something wouldn't let me.

It took time but now I can look back

the pain and sadness 

now understanding and pride.

If you hadn't broken my heart 

I never would have found my own carpet.

-PG

Drowning in Shallow Water

​I can't stop the wind that's blowing you away

I can't stop the rain from washing you away

I'm drowning in shallow water.

Honey kisses on my lips

soft as Alabama rain

baptized in your love

a refuge from all pain.

Storm rolls in, hurricane winds

in your eyes I see my fate

all I loved swept away

your hand slips from mine

I can't stop the wind that's blowing you away

I can't stop the rain from washing you away

I'm drowning in shallow water.

-PG

Cracks

All I feel is broken, to numb to feel the pain.

Everyone says "his loss", I'm still trying to see

what I've gained.

Taking the low road instead of the high

the clouds that had parted now fill the sky.

The pieces of us now tarnished and flat

by my feet they lay scattered.

Thoughts of you like grains of sand

taken forever slip through my hand.

I raise my eyes and pray for a sliver

of sunshine to warm my soul.

Someday they pain will go, but not completely though.

I will always have pieces of you

in the cracks of my broken heart.

-PG

Gotta Change

Gotta change my ways

same stupid, different day

keep turning over every rock

fall in love, lose myself

Gotta let go of who I was

the past has a way of 

sitting on the shoulder of today

looking at everything,

waiting for the past to play.

The past keeps me from my future

holds on so tight it hurts to breathe.

Guides my every step back

to where I've already been.

Gotta change my way,

same stupid, different day

-PG

Change Coming On

Life is changing so fast

not ready for it.

But gonna close my eyes

and hold on tight.

Went from two to one

in the rise and fall of the moon.

Didn't see it coming

I'm just another sad country tune.

Don't know how to do this

guess I'll have to learn

I still forget and reach for you

empty air, empty heart.

I feel a change coming on

the air not so heavy with regret.

I don't miss your hand in mine,

I sleep in the middle of the bed.

My time is mine to waste,

new friends don't know my heartache

the me I show the world is free and easy

and maybe a bit wiser.

I was afraid I'd break down and cry

if our paths ever crossed

but I've learned a lot about me since you.

I should really thank you

you gave me the life I always wanted

I just didn't realize it was without you

Life after you is where I belong

it just took you leaving for me to see

how bright the sun could shine on me. 

-PG

Little Death

Emotional longing is a little death,

one relived every day until 

the longing is satisfied or finally dies,

orange embers turned to grey.

For so much has been given to this feeling

the end is like watching a leaf,

brown with age, fall to the ground,

discarded by it's maker, blown away

on a wind that knows nothing

other than to blow.

-PG 

Fly again

Away from you I try to breathe

but the pain takes out my knees.

I fall to the ground, a bird shot from the sky.

I know one day I'll fly again, an eagle soaring high,

your love for me a distant memory but still I cry.

Lost dreams and what should-have-beens

tear my day apart.

But night is kind, it lets me pretend.

In my sleep we never end.

-PG


Who I am

I thought I had to go places 

just to find out who I was.

Travel the world, be that girl

just to find out who I was.

I never felt good enough

to feel comfortable in my own skin.

I prayed day and night

to feel comfortable in my own skin.

I thought I needed someone 

to show me who I was

fell in love over and over again

to show me who I was.

I never took time to see the real me

a scared little girl afraid

to see her naked reflection.

But the dark is gone

you can't hide in the light

I finally see beauty

I finally see me.

-PG


Shorts

Son(s)

Everything I thought I wanted

went away the day you came into my life.

I didn't think love could get stronger

until I held your hand in mine,

felt your heart beating in time.

The look in my eyes unconditional love

as you smiled and snuggled close.

Tears of joy and longing

rain on your sweet face.

Parts of my heart I thought gone

filled now by my love for you.

There will never be a time 

I don't call you mine.

We haven't always seen eye to eye

you've hated me more than once

can't understand why I don't.

We have grown close only to part

raised voices and slamming doors

thank you Lord, time heals.

Babies came, you moved away.

I loved you from the other side of the world,

sending prayers from bended knee.

Years have passed and you are still

by my side, my hand in yours.

My eyes no longer see,

my ears refuse to hear

but none of that matters.

Everything I thought I knew about love changed

the day you came into my life.

I'm looking down at the life you've made,

so proud I can't hold back tears

they fall on your beautiful face

as you dance in the rain.

Don't be sad son,

you made my life worth living,

you taught me how to love.

-PG

Carried Away

​I wish you could have stayed longer

safely wrapped in my arms

but you left one day, carried away by your shadow.

Lonely's been your shadow all your life

but the sun went down when you met me.

The stars lit our way through many shadowless nights.

Lonely was gone, the moon lit your face.

I thought I would die happy

but lonely doesn't play alone

no, lonely doesn't play alone.

Lonely crept back in you, your every light darkened.

Lonely took you away and left me crying.

-PG

New Day

For a second of time

I got to see

A life of you and me.

A taste so sweet

it became bitter

when I knew 

I could never have you.

Torn between two worlds

one foot afraid to follow the other

leaving me alone.

I wish you could see

the way you look at me,

the love you want to feel.

Take my hand

fly with me

soar like an eagle

I won't ever let you fall.

Let go of all the pain

hold onto me 

and take that final step.

Fear can bind you

make you feel safe

but fear is like the devil.

Come into the light

expose the lies

make peace with the past

In the early light of day

when sleep falls away

the truth of life is found

Don't let the fear

keep your heart

in the shadows of the past.

Close your eyes 

take a breath

welcome the new day.

-PG

Woman to Woman (W2W) is what women say to each other for love and support.


​W2W: Sometimes what we mean to say comes out all wrong and what we say gets misunderstood.  So let's start over.  "Hi, I love you."


W2W: Just because they say they love you doesn't mean they love you like I do.  Here's a shoulder Bitch, cry on it


W2W: Nothing says it's over like drinking Tequila while putting naked pictures of him/her on your facebook page.


W2W: You've moped long enough over his/her sorry ass.  He's not crying over you.  Too harsh?  Too soon? Too bad.  Love you Sis.


W2W: Still crying over him?  A gupp has more personality and from my position, smells better.  There's more in the sea Sister, time to pull out the tackle and start bobbing that line!


W2W: I have a shovel if you have a body


W2W: You'll never see my crying over a man, that is unless I ran him over with my car and he scratched the bumper.  some me are speed bumps, some are traffic stoppers.  Go find a traffic stopper!


W2W: I just did you a favor burying the body now let's go get drunk so we forget where that was!


W2W: Everyone says "Use your words" so here it is.  Love you Bitch!

_PG



My Place

The silence so loud

it hurts my head.

I run to find

a place where laughter plays, 

where love is breath.

Shifting sand

pulled out to sea

no anchor to hold me

tossed and afraid

shadows around every corner

keep your head down, invisible.

I pray for love to warm my heart

stripped of the pain of failure,

rip away my fear

make me feel worthy

in a place where my head is high.

The pain once so real I bled

now just a faded scar.

I touch it now and then

a reminder of what was,

not what had to be.

I spend my days laughing

in a place that is safe

no longer a scared child

afraid to be heard.

-PG